Visiting India ?

I was reading a friend’s shared items and then remembered having posted it as well. No, I was wrong. Checked my drafts and found this interesting mail-forward. I don’t know why I did not post it then. Probably I must have kept laughing. 😀

Welcome to India. Namaste.

The answers are actual responses to the questions posted on a website by Foreigners planning a visit to India.

Q: Does it ever get windy in India? I have never seen it rain on TV, how do the plants grow? (UK).
A: We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around watching them die.

Q: Will I be able to see elephants in the street? (USA)
A: Depends how much you’ve been drinking.

Q: I want to walk from Delhi to Goa- can I follow the railroad tracks? (Sweden)
A: Sure, it’s only three thousand kms, take lots of water.

Q: Is it safe to run around in the bushes in India? (Sweden)
A: So it’s true what they say about Swedes.

Q: Are there any ATMs (cash machines) in India? Can you send me a list of them in Delhi, Chennai, Calcutta and Bangalore? (UK)
A: What did your last slave die of?

Q: Can you give me some information about hippo racing in India? (USA)
A: A-fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe. In-di-a is that big triangle in the middle of the Pacific & Indian Ocean which does not.. oh forget it. …… Sure, the hippo racing is every Tuesday night in Goa. Come naked.

Q: Which direction is North in India? (USA)
A: Face south and then turn 180 degrees. Contact us when you get here and we’ll send the rest of the directions.

Q: Can I bring cutlery into India? ( UK)
A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do.

Q: Can you send me the Indiana Pacers matches schedule? (France)

A: Indiana is a state in the Unites States of…oh forget it. Sure, the Indiana Pacers matches are played every Tuesday night in Goa, straight after the hippo races. Come naked.

Q: Can I wear high heels in India? ( UK )
A: You’re a British politician, right?

Q: Are there supermarkets in Bangalore, and is milk available all year round? (Germany)
A: No, we are a peaceful civilization of vegan hunter/gatherers. Milk is illegal.

Q: Please send a list of all doctors in India who can dispense rattlesnake serum. (USA)
A: Rattlesnakes live in A-meri-ca which is where YOU come from. All Indian snakes are perfectly harmless, can be safely handled and make good pets.

Q: Do you have perfume in India? ( France)
A: No, WE don’t stink.

Q: I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. Can you tell me where I can sell it in India? (USA)
A: Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather.

Q: Do you celebrate Christmas in India? (France)
A: Only at Christmas.

Q: Will I be able to speak English most places I go? (USA)
A: Yes, but you’ll have to learn it first.

Q: Can I see Taj Mahal anytime? (Italy)
A: As long as you are not blind, you can see it anytime.

Q: Do you have Toilet paper? (USA)
A: No, we use sand paper. (we have different grades)

I am again ROTFLing. Ha Ha Ha………

10 thoughts on “Visiting India ?

  1. OMG! Totally hilarious!! 🙂
    Laughed my ass off!! The witty answers were a perfect match to the even dumber questions..
    “Do you have Toilet Paper??!!!!” LOL Max..
    But it is also sad that Outsiders have such an idea about India..

  2. Awsm, awsm, awsm….it’s hilarious…No wonder Indian’s r so sought after professionals, globally…V r way smarter than these jackass’

    Just had another round of laughter attack….thnks

  3. They are hilarious. I’ve read a similar list about Australia (pet kangaroos, south in the opposite direction to the northern hemisphere, availability of cash etc etc). They do make me laugh. I like the ones about hippo racing and the Indiana Pacers.

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